Happy 6 months baby Sweet!

I can not believe it has been 6 months since baby Sweet was born! Time has flown by for all of us. It is so crazy how in life we have these major events that we plan for, look forward to, anticipate, prepare for that all of a sudden happen and for a tiny moment life stands still. Then its over and life hurries on. Before you know it that event was just a piece of your life and things are moving again.

For baby Sweet life has been filled with soooo much love and joy! He has a ton of people in his life that adore him. I am sure you can imagine the joy he has brought into so many different lives. He is seriously one of the happiest babies I have ever seen, always a smile on his face. His laugh is so stinkin' cute too. He has had a bit of a reflux problem and spit up everything. They are just barely starting to get it under control so he is finally gaining some weight. He is such a long skinny little thing. The only thing he was able to keep down very much of was the "banana juice", as my son calls breast milk, that I pumped for the first few weeks. B and N are the cutest parents you ever saw and are so in love with their son. B was able to quit her job and gets to be a stay at home mommy and is absolutely loving it. It is so fun to see her with him and how she sits and talks to him.

As for me life has just moved on. I honestly feel like it was all a dream. It is so surreal to think it even happened. I sometimes find myself contemplating being B's surro but realize I already did it! It still seems crazy to me. I can't believe how much more quickly one can heal from birth when they don't have a newborn to take care of! It was only a few days before I was up and running around. I had so much love and compassion shown to me that first month after baby Sweet was born, it was amazing. Meals brought in, cards sent in the mail, visits, gifts, hugs. This was all from people who do not even know B or N. Just people in my neighborhood and in my life who love me. I still to this day see people and they genuinely want to know how I am and let me know how amazing they think what I did was. It is so humbling. I am so appreciative for all the outpouring love and support I got.

It was so fun for the first few weeks of baby Sweet's life I saw him almost every day. We had family parties that involved Jean's family so of course he was there and B would stop in for a visit. My kids love to hold him and have no confusion that he is B's baby. They are totally fine with it and think its completely normal. What a relief! I probably see baby Sweet once or twice a month for get togethers or we just hang out. I even got to babysit him for a whole day and that was a blast. I also realized how grateful I was to not have a newborn at this time in my life. hahaha

So how am I feeling about it all? How did I do emotionally? How am I doing? These are all questions I am asked often. It's funny because when I answer I almost don't think people believe me. It's almost like they want me to say it was so hard, that I miss him, that I am falling apart. But honestly and truly I am GREAT! Not once have I felt sad or upset over any of it. I have not once had a longing feeling or that I am missing something. It has all been even better then I thought or imagined. I am truly down right so happy for B and know baby Sweet is with his mommy and daddy where he belongs.

I thought I may have a longing for one of my own soon after he was born or miss being pregnant and feeling those little kicks. Nothing. I am so happy and content with my little family and am so happy to have them. Sometimes people would come ask "how are you" with this sad/compassionate look in their eyes and I had no clue what they were talking about. It always catches me off guard and I have to remember, oh they are asking about baby Sweet! I honestly forget I ever carried him. Sometimes I feel guilty saying I forget or I don't have these "maternal feelings" for him that people think I should. Then I realize, I am so BLESSED. I know that this has been and is a tremendous blessing for me to feel this way. My sister keeps asking me what I am doing to loose weight and I have to remind her that I had a baby not too long ago. Even my family forgets.

 So here we are 6 months later and I have absolutely no regrets. Everything was perfect and turned out how it should. I honestly believe that this was meant to be and I couldn't be happier that I was able to help my friend and an amazing women become a mom. I can think of no greater gift and am blessed that she chose me to help make her dreams come true. It was life changing. Seeing B and N the first time baby Sweet cried when he was born is a moment I will always cherish and never forget. Thank you to everyone for all the love and support IRL, through FB and through here.

If anyone has questions please feel free to ask!

Baby Sweets Birth Story

It has been one month today since baby Sweet was born. I thought its about time to share his birth story. Super long, sorry!

How do you put into words one of the most amazing experiences of your life? I have been trying to figure that out for the last week. I guess I will just try by writing about that day.

I woke up at 5:50 AM and called the hospital to check and make sure they were still ok for us to come in and they were. I text B "they are still planning on us, see you at 7 mama!" She text me back "Yay ok! Holy crap! :)"

I hurried and got ready (that is one reason I love inductions, I even got to curl my hair) and woke up hubbs to get ready. I kissed my littleones goodbye while they slept knowing they would be in good hands with my sister and we were off! It felt so unreal driving to the hospital knowing I was giving birth to a baby that day. This whole thing has just been sureal. Like I go through the motions but none of it seems real. We arrived at the hospital and met B and N in the lobby, took a pic and off to check in. When we got to the desk we explained to them that I was the gestational carrier and that they were the mom and dad. This would be the first time of many that this fact would be pushed aside. No one at the hospital quite knew what to do with our situation. We had tried to talk with them about it a few months ago and they made it seem like they would figure it out once we were actually there. But here we were and still no one knew what to do.

Our sweet nurse took us into the room and had me change into that lovely hospital gown, asked me a zillion questions, hooked up my IV and started monitoring the baby's heart rate and my contractions. I let them know that I would like my epidural before they broke my water because in the past once my water breaks I dilate fast and baby is here within 45 minutes. She checked me and I was at a 4, they started the fluids and pitocin. I told them I would need lots of fluid before my epidural because in the past my blood pressure has gone down really fast when I get it if I don't have a ton of fluid first.

The doctor from the office upstairs came down and said he would break my water, luckily my nurse told him I wanted my epidural first, yay for a listening nurse! Soon after that the anethesiologist came in and gave me my epidural. Hubbs loves to watch and this anethesiologist was really nice and explained everything to him, not so sure I liked hearing about what was really happening back there. B stayed up by me and N waited in the hall. My blood pressure did great and the anethesiologist said he gave me the epidural a different way then I am used to (usually it is effective immediately) and that within 20 min it should be in full effect.

After about a half hour I told hubbs that I was pretty sure it wasn't as strong as I would like. I mean hey if I am going to have an epidural I don't want to feel the pain, right? At this point I could still move my feet, legs, hips, etc. I explained to them that I could squeeze my butt cheeks and feel it, not a good sign of a working epidural. Mainly I just felt that tingling feeling but not numb. In the past I have been able to feel the pressure of contractions and when to push and when baby was born, just not the pain. I really like it that way :) I was a bit nervous about the whole epidural not working properly thing. B kept teasing me because my heart rate would go up when we would talk about it.

I wanted to tell my nurse but she hadn't been in the room for a while. The hospital was doing a training that day and our nurse had to keep leaving to attend parts of it. I was quite irritated because it seemed to slow everything down quite a bit and made me question the type of care baby and I were getting. That makes me sad because my last two little ones were born at that hospital and I LOVED it and felt very cared for.

Finally she came back in with my Dr who was there to break my water, it was about 10:15 AM at this point and I was in between a 4 and 5 so not much progress. He asked if I wanted him to wait until they fixed the epidural or not but I told him no and to go ahead and break it. After my water was broken we thought everything would go quick like with my previous births. Unfortunately baby's heart tones kept going down with my contractions so the nurse would have to stop the pitocin. I was laid down, put on my side and given oxygen. Baby Sweet got a heart monitor put on his head so they could track him better. Also the anethesiologist came back and fixed my epidural, yay!

Around 11:00 AM everyone decided to show up at the same time (B's mom, step dad, sister, stepdaughter, dad, step mom and my parents and Jean) We had quite the amount of people in and out of our room from that point on until little baby Sweet was born. Every one was so excited. It was fun to have Jean there and ask her questions about how things were and what they did differently.

Well after a few hours of slowly upping the pitocin and then turning it back down because baby's heart tones were bad and one instance when my blood pressure went way down (the anethesiologist came running in and had to give me some medicine to bring it back up quickly) my Dr decided it was a good idea to give me a amnioinfusion. This is where they put water back up in my uterus to see if it would help with baby's heart tones/dips when I would contract. They were thinking he is laying on the cord so when I contract it squeezes it too hard. They water will help with the pressure. At this point we had no pitocin going and I was only dilated to a 5 still.

After about 30 min my Dr came back in to see if that was helping and if we could start the pitocin again. Well guess what, I was at a 10 and had been contracting on my own! I knew we were getting close because I had started to feel the urge to push. After that things moved quick. Everyone was out of the room, nurses and tables were brought in. This was it!

Of course things weren't perfectly smooth. Baby Sweet was facing up so my amazing Dr. had the ultrasound machine brought in so they could try and turn him. Hubbs was up by my head and helped hold my leg, the ultrasound machine was next to him, behind the ultrasound machine/Hubbs B stood and back in the corner on a couch N waited. ( I am sure it was not the most comfortable thing for N to be in there through some of it and I totally appreciate that he stayed in the back trying not to see much).

Through the next few contractions my Dr. had me push slightly while he turned baby Sweet head down, so glad it work! After that his next concern was still baby Sweets heart tones, they kept going dipping and I could tell they were worried. My Dr warned me that at some point he may have to use the forceps if we couldn't get him out fast enough. Well I pushed super hard for about the next 5 to 10 minutes through contractions and we made really good progress, I forgot how exhausting it is! Hubbs was so supportive and encouraging, I love that about him. Well all of a sudden my Dr said we needed to get baby Sweet out now. He grabbed the forceps and with one more push the little miracle was here!

I had made sure to discuss with my nurse/Dr that baby Sweet be taken to the warmer table first, not put on my tummy (I wanted his mommy to be the first to hold/touch him). My Dr lifted him up so I could see him and then handed him to the nurse to take him to the warming table. I looked at Hubbs and started to cry, then I looked over at B and seriously the world stood still. Being able to see the look on her face, tears in her eyes as she heard her babys first cries will forever be a mental image that I hold close to my heart. I don't think I have ever seen such joy, happiness, releif and love on someone's face before. I started bawling. We were all crying. You wanna know the first thing B did then, she ran over to me and hugged me and thanked me. Then she through her arms around Hubbs and thanked him. I asked her what she was doing and told her to get over there and see her baby. Hubbs mentioned to me that after witnessing this he could see what I had seen all along, this outcome and how happy they are. This moment is what made this whole journey for us completely worth it.

It was also amazing to watch her and N see him for the first time and hold him. Then they let me have a turn holding him.

Baby Sweet

2.28.13

7 lbs 20 1/2" long

The next few days were fun having both our families come meet baby Sweet and visit. It was also so fun to get to witness B and N with their new baby. They are such good parents and are so extremely happy to finally have their little baby! I am feeling great and am so happy for them. It was everything and more of how I imagined it.

The hospital definitely had no clue what they were doing with a surrogate baby. B and N were supposed to have the baby bracelets, Baby Sweet was supposed to go by baby Sweet but the hospital had him down as mine, they had me sign all the documents having to deal with baby Sweet. We went through all the legal work so he would be theirs the moment he was born. We were hoping they would be able to have their own room at the hospital but it all just confused the staff. B and I stayed in my room and everyone would come visit. We tried giving our legal papers to the staff numerous times but no one wanted them or would listen to us. When it all came down to it the hospital even made me sign the birth certificate telling us that we would have to get it changed through vital records. Basically the hospital didn't know how to handle it, and had us do all the wrong things.

It was a huge mess when we left the hospital. I should have never signed the birth certificate and vital records had a hard time correcting it. At one point they were even saying B and N were going to have to adopt their own baby from me. We weren't about to let that happen, that's why we got the pre birth order before he was born.

 The hospital now is having a hard time trying to figure out how to bill everything. On their records they only had a sweetsbabymama baby at their hospital belonging to me. Well legally he is baby sweet, a baby sweetsbabymama doesn't exist. At the time it all seemed stressful and upsetting to me, especially just having a baby, being hormonal and having the director of the hospital tell me I have to sign a birth certificate and documents for a baby that isn't mine. Legally we left the hospital and baby Sweet was mine going home with another mama. It is a good thing we were friends/family or it would have been a lot more awkward and could have been a bigger mess.

It was all worked out in the end and everything is good but there was a lot of stress and things to work out that shouldn't have happened.

And now.... pictures!

Baby Sweet has arrived!

I know super late but baby Sweet has arrived (almost three weeks ago, sorry!) 

We are all doing really well!

I am taking some time to rest and spend time with my family but a birth story will be posted soon, I am half way done with it!

For now I will leave you with this

Baby Sweet

2.28.13

7 lbs 20 1/2"

Everyone is in love

Tomorrow!

Just sitting here waiting for the hospital to call and confirm that we can go in tomorrow morning for our induction! I can't believe the time has come so quickly for baby Sweet to be here. It seems like just yesterday I was contemplating even doing this and so excited to let B know when I finally did decide I could do this for them.

Now here we are with a full term baby and we are all going to meet him tomorrow! This evening we went out to dinner and laughed, talked and anticipated this little ones arrival. It felt so good to get out and just enjoy some time together. It feels very surreal to me that in just a few short hours I will be giving birth to a miracle. A baby that is so loved and that so many have struggled, cried, suffered, hoped for, prayed for, etc for so long. And now he will be here and we are all going to be able to snuggle him.

I am feeling anxious, nervous, excited, not sure of the unknown. This is so different to be planning to go the hospital tomorrow to give birth to a baby that is not mine. I wont be bringing him home and my kids wont be there to see a sibling. There is nothing set up at our house for a new little one, we are not bringing a carseat or a newborn outfit and blankets.

But I am excited. I am anxious to see this little one with his mommy and daddy. All his family members who will be there to meet him. I know what I am doing is such an amazing gift and that my Heavenly Father has helped me to get to this point and will help me through the rest of it.

I just got the call and we are to go in at 7 AM! What an exciting day lays ahead of us all. Thank You to everyone for your love, encouragement and support. It has meant the world to me.

Past full term and READY

We are ready to go! Little guys dad is here in town and we are officially past full term. At our 37 week appointment we found out I am dilated to a 3 now and 50% effaced, so at least those contractions did some progress! We also discussed setting up an induction and are all set to go on Thursday February 28th if baby Sweet hasn't made his arrival before then. Our next appointment was scheduled the day before that and it would be silly to go in and then be induced 14 hours later so that was our last Dr appointment!

We are all so excited to meet this little man. B took me to get a pedicure and boy did it feel great! So sad I forgot to take pics. I am getting huge and feeling it too! I think I always forget how uncomfortable and huge I get the last few weeks of pregnancy. Definitely living in my yoga pants and still having regular but not painful enough or close enough contractions.

Hopefully the next time I post it will be because baby Sweet has arrived!

 37 weeks

 Hubbs and I going out for Valentines

 38 weeks

 

Now these are contractions!

With all 3 of my little ones I have always been induced. I contract regularly for months like I mentioned but it never gets to that point where I KNOW I should go in. Jean has told me time and time again that her hospital they know when someone is in real labor or if its false labor by just seeing them walk down the hall to their desk. When the women walk in and they are basically just walking in or looking uncomfortable, these women are most likely not there to stay. But when a women comes down the hall, has to stop and breathe through contractions and can't talk through them, then its the real deal.

I have had painful contractions. I have had really painful contractions before my epidurals and even once when my epidural wore off during labor with LittleDarlin. But I have NEVER experienced what I realize (atleast I hope) now to be true contractions.

We had our 36 week appointment, I am barely a one. I go about my day and have a spicy chicken sandwich from Chick-fa-la for dinner go home and have my usual contractions and go to sleep for the night. Hubbs kisses me goodbye as he leaves for work around 5:15 AM. I go back to sleep. 15 min later I wake up super uncomfortable, what is this. These are odd contractions, definitely more crampy then I am used to. So I try and sleep through them for about an hour. Can't sleep. Too uncomfortable and starting to get painful. I get up and start pacing the room. Could this be the real deal? No. Wait these are really hurting and are really crampy. Maybe they are. I text B around 6:45 AM and tell her to bring a bag with her to work cause these contractions are getting bad and this might be it. She throws a bag together, leaves for work and waits to hear from me. I decided I better pack a bag too and then I will shower and try timing these things. They are about 2-3 minutes apart lasting 1-2 minutes. Ok this might really be it.

I called Hubbs and he could tell I was in serious pain and couldn't talk through some of them. He was ready to go straight to the hospital and tell them to get a room ready for me cause his work is less then 5 minutes from there. I told him to hold off. B of course is panicking, N is not here. He is flying home tomorrow.... Yes tomorrow. How could he miss this by one day?

Well fortunately it was all a false alarm people, false alarm. They started to get less intense about 7:30 AM so I laid down, I was exhausted from the last two hours of contractions and I hadn't slept well cause littledarlin was up a ton that night. I text B and Hubbs and let them know. I felt so bad worrying everyone. But like B said she wants to go through these scares with me since she doesn't get to experience it herself. I felt crampy the rest of the day but things have seemed to calmed down. I have been a bit more tired but contractions in general have slowed way down. So now we wait some more and are grateful that N will be home shortly!

(February 12)

36 weeks folks, 36 weeks

 We are in the last few weeks of this adventure and I have so many thoughts! I am indeed ready to be done because it is getting to that point where I am just huge and uncomfortable. Also I am ready to "move on". I feel like we (as in me, hubbs, our family) are kind of just at a stand still until after this little one is born. Don't ask me why, its not like we will be doing anything major as soon as baby Sweet arrives. Maybe because it is this great, amazing, life changing thing that we have been through before but it is not for us. We won't be the ones with a new smiling face added to our family. We will just go on as we have been (except maybe with a bit more patient and kind mommy and wife, I tend to be a bit impatient and snarky when I am pregnant).

At the same time I can't believe how soon it will be over! It feels like just yesterday I was contemplating it. In fact it was just about a year ago that we were at the family party when B told me "I just want to be a mommy" and it touched me so deeply. B and N had just had their THIRD transfer with their other surro. Look at us all now! Soon little boy Sweet will be in his mommy and daddy's arms!

Our 36 week appointment went well as expected. I am barely dialated to a 1. I thought it would be a bit more with all these contractions but no, just a one.

N will be back in town this coming Wednesday and we will be 37 weeks, so anytime after that little man you are welcome to come!

 (February 11)