Oops, is that what I think I saw?

N was leaving to go work out of town soon so we decided to go visit Jean at work and see the little babe on the ultrasound before he left. We were only 14 weeks along so we didn't expect to find out the gender of this little one but we thought we did!

So to confirm it B set up an early elective ultrasound at a professional clinic. B, her step daughter, her mom, her step dad, her sister and her friend all met me there and we confirmed that this little miracle is a BOY!!!

Everyone is thrilled even though most of us thought for sure it was a girl (including me). B and N are so extremely excited to be having a boy. It is so fun cause now we can call him a HIM and start buying fun stuff! YAY for little boys.

 (September 14)

Legal Front

As I mentioned earlier we weren't sure whether or not we were going to be able to have the baby in our state easily. We have even been considering the fact that it may be easier legally to have the baby in the state we did the transfer. B and N have been doing everything they can to make it legal here. In most surrogacy cases in our state before the transfer is even performed you have to have medical evaluations, psychological evaluations, home studies (sometimes they are waived), contracts and it all has to go before a judge and in the end it is up to the judge to decide if the transfer can be done. You then get a pre-birth order that says the baby was conceived via surrogacy and the IP's (Intended Parents) are the rightful parents of the baby.

Now don't quote me on all this. I don't know a ton or details. I am learning though as we go through the process and also through a surrogate facebook group I have joined.

In our case we are trying to go through all these steps a bit backwards and in the end hope the judge will approve our case and let us get a pre-birth order. If he doesn't and we deliver here the baby will be born as mine and N's. Then B will have to adopt her own baby as its step mother from me. Or we can have it in the other state.

So we are working on advising our contract to be legal here in our state, B and N did their home study (and passed) to show how serious they are instead of trying to get it waived, we will be having a group counseling session and then it will all go before a judge and he/she will decide what we do next.  

We have also had to check our insurances and make sure that where we deliver my insurance will cover my doctor and hospital and that the Sweet's insurance will cover the baby at the hospital. Lucky for us my doctor and hospital that I like is covered by both of our insurances, yay!

This is all so new and crazy to me what people have to go through to be parents but it is all also very amazing that I am able to help a family grow.

(September 5)

that felt like a baby

Alright, I know some people will never believe that you can feel a littleone this early but I am pretty sure I felt this little one move a couple times in the last few days.  After the third time in a few days I knew for sure it was the baby and had to tell B and N.  It was so fun and exciting to let B and N know.  I can't wait until they can feel him/her too! This is one of things B had to miss out on during pregnancy that I feel so bad for. I can't imagine how it must feel to not get to experience some of the wonderful things that do come with pregnancy. We will just have to make sure she feels the babe alot when you can feel from the outside ;)

(August 29)

met the besties

B took me to lunch today so I could meet her two best friends she has had forever. It was so great just talking with them and getting to know them. I also LOVED to see how excited they were also for B. It made all this seem even more real talking with people who have also gone through this long struggle with B, whom probably have heard more about it then anyone.

I am apart of a surrogate FB group and it has been awesome hearing their experiences and getting advice from them and learning so much more about this new world that is out there I had never even thought about.

One thing I have learned from them is how GRATEFUL I am to be doing this for someone I love and is my friend, like family. It is great to be able to have that relationship with B and N and able to be so much apart of their lives, and them mine, now and I know after the baby comes.

(August 22)

Wait, I am pregnant?

One thing that I was so curious about before I began this adventure was if I would truly feel like I "thought" I would feel towards this baby and pregnancy. I know I have thought about it a ton and have obviously been asked about it a lot.

So here goes. As heartless and rude as it may sound, I don't feel attached AT ALL. There is absolutely no emotional connection to this sweet miracle growing inside me. I honestly FORGET that I am even pregnant, often. This is so awkward to say and feel. What kind of person can just not feel attached to a little baby growing in her belly? ME. And I am so extremely GRATEFUL.

That was one of my biggest worries and fears is that it wouldn't feel how I "thought" it would, but it does. Don't get me wrong, I care for this little one, a ton. I can't wait for him/her to get here and see it. I also can't wait to give him/her to his/her mommy and daddy. I am so overjoyed and excited for them to be parents. And that is exactly how this feels. I FEEL like B is the one who is pregnant. I feel like I am just an excited auntie.

With my own little ones I couldn't stop looking and posting online about how much the baby was growing, what size fruit it is this week, what we are going to name it, buy for it, etc. This time around I don't think of it at all. I do get weekly updates on my phone and from B :) about how much the babe is growing etc. but I don't "care" like I did with my own.

Hubbs and my family also don't feel as excited as if it were my own. We don't talk about it like we do when one of us is expecting. Hubbs honestly forgets ALL the time that I am pregnant. Don't worry, I remind him when there is lifting to be done or I am really thirsty :)

At first I was scared to tell B this. I didn't want her to think I am heartless, that her baby wasn't being loved. But of course she didn't care at all. In fact she said that it is relieving to her and N. They were too worried that I may get attached and that this would be a huge struggle for me. And she of course knows this little one is loved, by its parents. B and N are thinking about this little one every second of the day, so excited, preparing a nursery, thinking of names, checking its growth and fruit size multiple times a day.

I can only say that I am feeling this way by the grace of our Heavenly Father. He knows me and is helping me through this because its meant to be. I know there is some sort of block being put in my heart and mind helping me to not feel these natural maternal feelings. I also feel like it is such a blessing that coming out of our first trimester and entering our second that I have had a relatively symptom FREE pregnancy.

Now onto the second trimester and normal OB appointments!

(August 20)

bloat

Um this bloat is crazy! It only looks like this at night but seriously we are only 11 weeks.

B was so excited to see this picture though and told me how much more real it made all of this for her and N.  She also thinks its cute, me I am not so sure about the cute part.

(August 15)

Goodbye Shots!!!

Since everything looked so great at our second ultrasound and the Sweets little one is growing good I get to stop all my meds, except my prenatal of course! So excited, no more shots in my bum and not more suppositories! Definitely wont be missing these.

Here is a pic of my over FULL sharps container. They forgot to send me a new one the last time they sent my meds.

(August 7)