Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The time has come!!!

Tomorrow we are off on a little road trip for our TRANSFER!!! It came so fast, even with my mistake and us having to wait an extra month. I am so ecstatic. I feel like I have been doing pretty well with the meds. My bum is just sore from all the shots.

Tonight as I was spending some time with my chitals and Hubbs we looked through some photo books. I started to get a bit sad looking at each of their births and the weeks after they were born. It is going to be sad to not have a little babe to snuggle all day after this is through. Its going to be hard. Worth it, but hard. I realized again how grateful I am that we are doing this NOW and that once the Sweets have their baby in their arms Hubbs and I will be trying for another little one for our family. I know I am going to be cravin' me a baby. My own baby. For now though I am determined to put those thoughts aside and focus on B and N's baby and how amazing this is all going to be!

I kissed my little ones goodnight and told them to be extra good for my family who will be taking care of them while I am away. Hubbs and I spent some extra time together and he gave me a blessing. It feels so good to feel the spirit and know that with whatever trials lay before us I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that I am doing this because my Heavenly Father has prompted me to. My heart and mind are in the right place. I am so grateful for my Father in Heaven, Hubbs and my supportive family to help me do all this.

Well wish us luck and lots of sticky dust! The transfer will take place in two days and then I will be taking it super careful for a little while. Hopefully we will see a positive pregnancy test in the next week or so!

(June 19th)

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Getting Close!


Time is going so fast! I have been super busy with my baby brother's wedding. He got married this last weekend and I am so excited to officially have his wife apart of our family. With all that these weeks have flown.

I went in for my second lining check (the point at which we had to start over last time) and everything looks great! My lining thickness was at 8.6 and all the blood work came back good. I have a new med schedule, adding in more meds, including that progesterone in oil shot I had been wrongly taking the first time. That shot will be EVERYDAY and let me tell you its the worst of them all. It is what they call a "peanut butter" shot because it is SO thick. It takes hubbs quite a while to inject that one and it kind of burns as it goes in. We rotate butt cheek sides so I am not too sore. On Tuesdays and Fridays I have two shots and then my butt is really sore the next day. Other then that I have no complaints.

We have a transfer date and will be leaving for the clinic in a week and a few days!  Can't wait and I am praying that the transfer takes!

(June 12)

Thursday, August 16, 2012

spreading the news

So lately when the time seems right I have been telling some family and friends. To be honest I wish I could say that it has all been a 100% supportive and understanding but I can't. No one has come out and been straight forward rude or told me not to do it but people have a funny way of expressing their concerns. Really it is what I expected and I don't think everyone should or will understand fully why I am doing this and that's ok. It is hard for me because my whole life I feel that I have tried to live in a way to not disappoint anyone even if it meant not always choosing things my way.

With this its different. I can't do what I know is right and follow what our Heavenly Father has in store for me if I care too much what other people's opinions are. So I am going to just move on forward and hope for the best. Hopefully those who don't agree with it will in time realize that it's not a bad thing and the gift I am giving the Sweets outweighs anything that they may be concerned with.

AND I do have to say that more so then not my friends and family HAVE been so supportive and excited! Most of them are so interested and want to know about it. It is so great to tell people about it and feel the spirit so strongly again and again reminding me why I decided to do this in the first place. Most of all I am extremely grateful for my hubbs and immediate family who have been nothing but excited, supportive and loving for me and the Sweets!

I can hardly wait for the next steps in this new and crazy adventure!

(June 8)


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Sunday, August 12, 2012

Mean people Suck

Sorry for being gone so long!

I haven't known what to do or feel for the past month. I wrote a little post on my personal family blog about my decision to try and be the Sweets Baby Mama. Basically the post said that I had numerous spiritual experiences that has led me to the exciting decision to be their surrogate. I just wanted to let family and friends know that this was going to probably happen so when I announced I was pregnant and it wasn't hubbs they would know what was up :)

Well I got this anonymous comment


To say the least, it upset me. I felt Hurt. Angry. Shocked. Scared. Confused.

I think if I were to have gotten this comment on this blog it would of hurt but I would of accepted it more. BUT this came from my own personal family blog, so this anonymous person is someone I KNOW. Not only are they questioning and attacking my decision to do this but my spiritual experiences. I feel like they questioned who I am.

Besides this comment I have also gotten some "negative" feedback from some family and friends about this whole situation. All of that together totally discouraged me, not from being B and N's gestational carrier, but from sharing my experience.

I expected people to not understand, think its crazy and make comments like "I could never do that..." BUT I NEVER expected to feel like people think I am doing something WRONG or that I am a BAD person for doing this. That is the feeling I have gotten from a few.

I know, I know. I shouldn't care what other people think and if they think that way towards me then they aren't worth it, but I will be honest, I am sensitive. I live my life to please others. I can't stand disappointing people. I think being injected with all these hormones nightly doesn't help it much either :)

Well because of these few bad experiences I closed down, shut off wanting to talk to anyone about what was going on. I am afraid of how people may react or what they may say. I don't know what to expect anymore. It scares me.

After a month of stewing and trying to deal with it all, and get over it, I have realized that I have to move on. There are a few people out there, even some I know and love, who will never get it. They are going to be rude and say hurtful things. But I am not changing my decision and my immediate family all love and support me. B and N's family all love and support me.

Looking past the few people who aren't for it is an army of people who love me no matter what and realize what an amazing miracle is happening here (like my sweet friend who commented above the meanie).

So I am ready to move on for now and will be updating rapidly as so much has happened in this crazy adventure so far.

Thanks to you all who are out there supporting me, even if I DON'T know you. It means so much more then you will ever know.
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