Wait, I am pregnant?

One thing that I was so curious about before I began this adventure was if I would truly feel like I "thought" I would feel towards this baby and pregnancy. I know I have thought about it a ton and have obviously been asked about it a lot.

So here goes. As heartless and rude as it may sound, I don't feel attached AT ALL. There is absolutely no emotional connection to this sweet miracle growing inside me. I honestly FORGET that I am even pregnant, often. This is so awkward to say and feel. What kind of person can just not feel attached to a little baby growing in her belly? ME. And I am so extremely GRATEFUL.

That was one of my biggest worries and fears is that it wouldn't feel how I "thought" it would, but it does. Don't get me wrong, I care for this little one, a ton. I can't wait for him/her to get here and see it. I also can't wait to give him/her to his/her mommy and daddy. I am so overjoyed and excited for them to be parents. And that is exactly how this feels. I FEEL like B is the one who is pregnant. I feel like I am just an excited auntie.

With my own little ones I couldn't stop looking and posting online about how much the baby was growing, what size fruit it is this week, what we are going to name it, buy for it, etc. This time around I don't think of it at all. I do get weekly updates on my phone and from B :) about how much the babe is growing etc. but I don't "care" like I did with my own.

Hubbs and my family also don't feel as excited as if it were my own. We don't talk about it like we do when one of us is expecting. Hubbs honestly forgets ALL the time that I am pregnant. Don't worry, I remind him when there is lifting to be done or I am really thirsty :)

At first I was scared to tell B this. I didn't want her to think I am heartless, that her baby wasn't being loved. But of course she didn't care at all. In fact she said that it is relieving to her and N. They were too worried that I may get attached and that this would be a huge struggle for me. And she of course knows this little one is loved, by its parents. B and N are thinking about this little one every second of the day, so excited, preparing a nursery, thinking of names, checking its growth and fruit size multiple times a day.

I can only say that I am feeling this way by the grace of our Heavenly Father. He knows me and is helping me through this because its meant to be. I know there is some sort of block being put in my heart and mind helping me to not feel these natural maternal feelings. I also feel like it is such a blessing that coming out of our first trimester and entering our second that I have had a relatively symptom FREE pregnancy.

Now onto the second trimester and normal OB appointments!

(August 20)