Ever since the realization I had that I may really be able to do this for B and N I am consumed. It's all I think of. I don't think I have ever felt something so strongly in my life. Every time I think about it or talk about it I get warm all over, I get goose bumps and I can't help but cry.
I think I am supposed to have B and N's baby. I know it sounds crazy. I can't explain this feeling I have that it is supposed to be me. I thought the timing would never be right until after Hubbs and I were done with our family. But that always left me to question how I would handle that? Would I want another one of my own after carrying a littleone and not keeping it?
The timing might be perfect now. Hubbs and I are not ready for another littleone for about two years. I don't yearn for a babe right now cause LittleDarlin is my babe, she is only 3 months old. I could do this for them and be done before Hubbs and I were planning on trying again.
Is it really a coincidence that B and I are sooo much alike? That we have always had this connection? What if it was supposed to be this way? I almost feel like this is apart of my plan. That it is something that I am supposed to do. There is no other way to explain it except that if feels right. I feel prompted that this is one of the best things I could ever do and should do!
Ya it will suck being pregnant and not having that littleone in the end to take home that makes it all better. BUT knowing that I am giving that to B and N makes it seem so worth it. All the morning sickness, tiredness, hormones, birth etc. is so minimal for the amazing outcome!
This could really happen. What will Hubbs say? What will my sisters and brother think? My parents would be the worst to tell. I look up to them so much and I think they may not agree with this decision. I don't know why but I always want to do everything to make them proud. I would never want to disappoint them or make a decision they don't like. They STILL have that effect on me like it was when I was a little girl. If I do this I think that will be one of the hardest parts, telling them.
Oh but how amazing it would be to tell B! To get to tell B that the pregnancy test is positive. Be there and experience her joy when she finds out the gender. How happy she will be at her baby showers. And most of all I can't even imagine that moment when the babe is born and B and N see it the first time and get to hold it.
I have to do this.
No comments:
Post a Comment