complications

With our state not being 100% surrogacy friendly it causes complications. First off we will be using a clinic that is in a neighboring state that is about 5 hours away. Clinic options in our state are rare. Plus the clinic we are using is a very well known clinic and many travel from other states to use them. I feel confident in the doctors and the clinic we are using but that does mean travel. So we will have to travel there for the transfer and again at 6 weeks "when" we get a positive pregnancy test.

Second we have to figure out what to do legally "when" the baby is born. With the Sweets previous surro they had planned on her going to stay with family the last month of pregnancy in the state where our clinic is and having the baby there. The state where our clinic is will let you have a legal contract drawn up before the babe is born stating it is a surrogate pregnancy and the baby is legally the Sweets. B and N's names would be on the birth certificate. The state their previous surro is from is even MORE un surro friendly then ours. This worked out for them because she had family to go stay with in the clinics state. The Sweets were going to have to travel either way, either to the surro's state or the clinics state.

For our situation one of the appealing things about me being able to be their surro is we are in the same state. So the hopeful plan is we wont have to travel after the 6 week mark and we wont have to worry about traveling for the birth, especially since the actual birth date is unpredictable. The problem is we have to figure out what to do legally "when" the babe is born. In our state the babe will legally be mine and hubbs until a paternity test is done then it would be mine and N's. So B would have to go through the process of adopting the babe as a step parent and I would have to go before a judge and relinquish all rights stating that I don't want my own baby even though it really isn't mine biologically. With the adoption comes home studies and parenting classes B would have to take.

Our other option is for B and I to go to our clinics state a month before the babe is due and live there until its birth. I see so many problems with this. To name a few: what if I have the baby earlier then when we go? I can't be away from my kids and husband that long, we could bring the kids but that would be hard to be away from home that long, if we are there with the kids who will watch them when I go into labor? It would be super expensive to go live there for a month, etc. etc.

It seems so unfair that they have to go through all this to just have their baby. Anyone else, whether or not they would pass a home study/inspection, can go out and get pregnant and have a baby. The Sweets, and others like them, already have to go through so much to be parents and then add all of that? I don't agree.

As of right now we are talking with, and having to pay them just to talk, lawyers to try and figure out a more effective way for us to have the baby here in our state. I am hoping and praying that we can somehow figure it out and make it work. There would be so much less stress!

I will keep you posted on what we find out!

Who is B

B is an amazing friend, wife and step-mother. She also happens to be my sister, Jean, sister-in-law. That is how we met, through my brother-in-law. Here is a little bit about her story that she posted on her personal blog at the beginning of their baby journey

For those of you who didn't know... I am unable to get pregnant. I had many complications as a baby and was not born with a uterus, fallopian tubes and had pre-mature ovaries. Over time one ovary has developed with healthy eggs. But still no uterus for a fetus to survive. N and I would like more than anything to have a little one running around the house so we have researched our options. We have decided to try to start a family through surrogacy. They would take my eggs and his sperm and inject it into a surrogate and hope that it takes. In doing this we would have our own biological child. It is about the same cost as adoption, but a little more complex. We have our first consultation (with a local fertility clinic) on May 5, 2009. It is the first step of many to come and we are both nervous, scared and excited for this journey to begin. The next step (probably the hardest step) will be finding a surrogate. We will keep you up to date as we begin this journey!!

I know for her that was so long ago and it has been a very rough process since. Hopefully from here on out it will be easier and one day (soon) she will have a littleone of her own!

lunch with B

 B and I had lunch today. It was so good. We had a chance to talk about everything now that it has all sunk in. We are BOTH so excited about the future and what may and can happen! We discussed details and our concerns.

I was also able to tell her about this blog. Luckily she is totally okay with it, YAY. I am so excited because I am loving this outlet for me to express my feelings and thoughts about this whole process. So glad that there are no more secrets and I feel like we can move on!

Our next steps are going to be getting down to the real details of what we need to actually do and start doing! Everything is happening so fast and I am excited to have two feet in and move ahead with this adventure!

my consultation

 I had a phone consultation today with B's fertility Doctor, Dr. F.  It was so great to be able to talk with Dr. F and just reconfirm the answers to my concerns. It was also so exciting to talk with him and realize that we are moving on in this adventure! (I don't want to say journey cause all I can think about is how it is SO overused on the Bachelor lol)

He was super nice, supportive and very optimistic about the IVF treatment working. Dr. F is totally on board with us moving forward ASAP. So he advised that I get my IUD out and start birth control as soon as possible and had the form for my lab work sent over. He is thinking we will be ready for the transfer within the next month or two. Ahhh, this is so exciting. I am beyond joyed that this seems to be working out and we are going through with it.

I called my OB and was able to get an appointment to have my IUD removed TOMORROW! I was glad but also so irritated that they were going to make me wait over a month for my appointment to just talk to a Dr. when I was trying to decide to do this, remember this POST? And while I was on the phone I thought to myself maybe I should cancel the appointment they supposedly made for me in case they really did make it for me somehow. I was right, there was never an appointment made. Errr

I called B and let her know everything and we decided to meet for lunch to talk some more about it all. I am a bit nervous to meet with her cause I have to tell her about this blog now that we are going to do this. I don't want her to feel like I was trying to hide anything or offend her with anything I say because this blog is so therapeutic for me and I say everything exactly how I am feeling and thinking. I don't take into account how it may come off or sound. Hopefully it goes well and she is okay with the fact that I have been writing about her and her personal life and that I want to continue to do so!

Their Decision

After talking with their fertility Dr it looks like the Sweets are going to go ahead and let me be their surrogate! YAY

I have to have a phone consult with their Dr, get some blood tests done and have a few ultrasounds to make sure my uterus is good. If all works out I will need to get my IUD removed, take birth control continuously (skipping the sugar pills to help my uterus's lining to thicken) until the transfer and when the transfer gets closer I will start with the injection meds (progesterone and lupron). 

I called and scheduled my consult and I just can't believe this is really happening! I know its not going to be easy and we have a few obstacles to overcome but I am just so grateful for this opportunity and that I am going to be apart of something so amazing for such great people.

 B text me today and said that her and N are thrilled that I am willing to do this for them! She hopes that she didn't make me uncomfortable when we talked and that she was just so overwhelmed and shocked!

I totally understand what she meant. I know this is a huge deal and not something she would  have ever thought I would say. Like I have said I had weeks to think about this and know what I was about to tell her. Now that she has had time to process it all I feel like she is really excited and hoping this works out as much as I do!
 

Text from B

 I woke up this morning to a text from B. She is super excited and is going to call her doctor and attorney today to see what info she can find out. We are going to have to figure out what to do legally wise and what we need to do to switch surros.

Later Jean called me and said B had talked to her. She had been so shocked and overwhelmed when we talked she had no clue how to react. It sounds like they may use me! YAY

But we have to make sure it will be the best option with the clinic and with the state. So we are moving in the right direction but I am still not sure if its a go or not. We will see!

B left me a message that she was so glad we went to lunch today and thanked me for talking with her. She is excited and scared. We are both going to try and find out more information on what we need to do if they decide to use me as their surro!

I am so excited! This is really starting to happen. I am so ready for it and wish we were already to the point where we can start the process!

I finally was able to tell her!

Well its done. She now knows. My heart was racing as we met and stood in line chit chatting while we got our food. I seriously couldn't think straight. After we sat down and had talked a little more I began to tell her that I had something to tell her. That I had this feeling about something that is so strong. She stopped me and asked if it was bad news because she didn't know if you she could handle any more bad news in her life right now. I feel so bad for her that things are just not working out.

I promised her it wasn't bad and then I told her that if her and N wanted me to, I would love to be their surrogate! I am pretty sure it was one of the biggest shocks of her life. She kind of was like really, are you serious? I could tell she didn't know what to say or how to react. I caught her so off guard. She started asking me questions and one of the first being if Hubbs is ok with it. It made me feel so good knowing she was concerned about how it would effect my family too. I think it was all surreal to her and she didn't know what to really do or say. I have had a month planning, preparing and getting excited for this moment. For her it was a shock, unexpected and totally sprung on her.

B mentioned that she has just been so hurt through this process in the past that her and N had decided to take a few months off of thinking about it and then here I am. She brought up the fact that we are so alike. I told her most of my experiences with coming to this decision. We talked about the shots I would have to take. The details of what we would have to do for the procedure. The complications with our state not being a surro friendly state, Oh the complications. Switching surros at the clinic. Who would be in the room when the baby was born if this all worked out. We talked about how great it would be for her to go to each appointment. How she would love it because she knows me and has no concerns about what I would do with my body while pg, knows I would take all the meds I should and knows that my mind and heart are in the right place to be able to do this for her.

We also talked about how she doesn't know how she could tell her current surro that she wont be using her anymore. That it will be more work to figure out how to switch everything over to me, get my tests done and figure out how to work around/with our state laws.

In the end I let her know that I loved her and I want her to be a mommy. Whatever she chooses is good, but now she at least has another option. She has an option not just one surro willing. She of course hugged me and thanked me numerous times. We both left really excited.

I know she is still very shocked and needs to process it all. B and N need to talk about it. Now its their decision and I just have to wait and have faith that it will all work out the way it should. I feel like a weight has been lifted now that she knows! I am more excited than ever to start the process.

But now all I can do is wait...

Me waiting to tell B

tomorrow is the day!

B is finally home from her vacation! I am sure she is thinking I am crazy cause I have been texting her to try and get together since she got home. Well tomorrow is it! We are meeting at one for lunch at Paradise Bakery. I am so excited I can't stand it. Not necessarily where I had imagined to tell her but I will take anything at this point.

Before I felt like it was a sense of urgency because B and N were thinking of starting a 4th round with their current surro in April. Jean talked to B yesterday and found out they are going to wait until June to start talking about it again. It almost seems too perfect! June is when LittleDarlin will be 6 months and when my OB has advised me to wait until.

I just hope it goes well tomorrow and I can say everything in the way I want too! 

B and I are so alike

The first time I walked into B's room before Jean married her brother and before either of us were married I was taken back. I felt like I had walked into my own room. Jean had told me often that we were a lot alike. That we said the same things and acted the same way. But this was crazy. The colors she used to decorate with, the pictures on her wall, stuffed animals, blankets and even picture frames were all the same as what I had at home in my room.

We like the same color. Our birthdays are only days apart. We wear the same clothing. We even purchased the exact same car; make, model and color. If I had to say any one person in this world that is most like me it would be B. We always laugh at it. Jean always interrupts me to tell me what I just did or said was just like B. B and I always tease that we were twins in heaven and got mixed up here.

Now I think is it really just a coincidence? Or are we so much alike because God had a plan for us? He wanted us to be friends. He wanted B and I to be comfortable with each other and think alike. I would like to think so. I know he has a hand in this new adventure in my life so its easy for me to believe that B and I being so much alike was another sign to help me realize that this is something I am supposed to do.

Did I make the right choice?

I knew this would happen. I knew I would have to deal with these feelings. I guess I just didn't think it would happen so soon. It caught me off guard. I had a reality check from a complete outsider. Risks were brought to my attention. A personal story was shared. It scared me. They were very nice about it, just concerned. I felt completely vulnerable. I questioned my decision. I still felt it was right and real but that tiny bit of doubt crept in.

I called Jean. She, like all my sisters, is always there. Though with Jean in this situation she keeps me on my toes. She says the hard truth. She talks through things with me, questions me. She doesn't want me to make this decision and regret it. For some silly reason she feels that if I do regret it or something bad happens it will be partially her fault. I don't know if that is because she is B's sister-in-law or she is a nurse or she is so close to the situation. I know she would do it herself for B if she could, but she can't right now in her life.

I talked with her about it. We went over the same stuff we have been over before about the reality of the risks. That it can happen. I know this. I have decided I am willing to go through though because I have prayed and felt the spirit so strong that I know its right. I start to feel better. Like I said I knew this was going to happen. I will be questioned. I am sure it will happen often. I am going to have to learn how to deal with it. I knew it would be a hard part about this process for me. I care what people think even though I try not to.

I am actually so grateful this happened now. Sooner then expected and catching me off guard helped me to realize that I have to be prepared for it. Since I haven't told B yet it would be super easy to back out now. If my first encounter with these comments and feelings that it stirred in me happened after I had told B I think I might have questioned myself more, if I made the right choice.

But since it happened before and I feel comfortable backing out still if I wanted, I think I will be able to deal with it all better in the future. So thank you, thank you for being real. I know my decision is still what is best for me and I hope not to question it again.

I still want to be the Sweets BabyMama!

Why Me?

Many of you may be thinking, why is she doing this if they already have a surrogate? Well let me tell you why I think they may consider using me.

First off the obvious, we are friends. Kind of more then friends, like sisters. B and I have always had this connection that is hard to explain, kind of like the feelings I have about this whole adventure.

Second, her current surro has tried 3 times and it has failed. I know it can take years and numerous tries but her current surro has a ton of personal stuff going on right now and has mentioned that she would like to try only one more time. So B has mentioned she would like to find a new surro but really where does someone find one?

Third, I live in the same city as B! The current surro lives in another state. B would not be able to attend Dr appointments or be as involved as I think she would like to. If I do this B could come to every appointment and would be close enough to make it to the birth without traveling.

Fourth, hopefully I can save her some money!

Fifth, B doesn't really have any family that could do it for her. The only family member she has that would even be able to consider doing this for her is Jean. Right now its just not reasonable for Jean to do it.

Still with all these factors in place I have thought about the chance of rejection. Maybe B and N will want to try one more time with their current surro. Maybe they don't want me involved. If that is the case I think I may be crushed. I feel so strongly that this is right and I am ready to go forth with this. I can't wait to experience all the amazing moments this will bring for both of us. Hopefully they choose me.

The next step

Now that I have made my choice the next step is telling B! I am so so so excited to tell her. I want to of course tell her in person. I need to tell her soon so she doesn't proceed with her old surro this last time. I want to tell her so I can talk with her about it all. She will need to talk with N and they will have to decide if they even want to use me.

I was hoping to tell her right away. I know she was going on a vacation with N. I thought it would be the perfect time for them to be able to discuss if they wanted me to help or not. Plus I know the other surro is supposed to go through the IVF again in April sometime. I want B and N to know they have another option.

I tried to see if we could meet for brunch before her flight out but she had to work in the morning. So now I am impatiently waiting for them to return so I can meet with her! Friday can't get here fast enough.

Told the parents

I stood at the top of the stairs listening to them talk with Xbear about a lesson Xbear is going to teach for dad on Sunday, the parents will be gone fishing, my heart was pounding. Was this the moment? The golden opportunity? I told myself to just go down there and if you say something it will be over with, if you don't you can get up the courage to do it when they return.

As I sat there gathering my words I got those same strong feelings. I knew it was time to tell them. I asked them to think about something while they were gone and proceeded to tell them that I have been feeling very strongly about something for quite sometime and I have never felt the spirit so strong over a matter. They all looked concerned. My mom said "You look like your going to cry." I replied "I am." Before I new it I had pored my heart out.

It definitely wasn't as lengthy as my previous conversations but got the point across. To my complete astonishment they were fine with it, completely fine. Dad even said "what did you think, that we would be mad?" That's EXACTLY what I thought. Mom said she was proud of me and they both said they would totally support me. If I felt that I needed to do it then its up to me (obviously, but their support and encouragement means SO much to me).

Xbear and Dad both said they were glad that's "all" it was. That's all, that's all? I just told them I was going to have someone else's baby! They both thought I was joining another faith and didn't believe in our religion anymore or something more serious. Mom thought I was leaving Hubbs or something. Hahahahaha. So I guess in the end they were all just so relieved that it wasn't something tragic.

I feel like I can breathe now and that my decision is more solidified. I love the parents so much and can only hope and pray that I can be such amazing parents to my chitals. To gain my chitals respect and have them hold me in such high regard is a goal I hope to obtain one day.

So I guess the next item of business would be to tell the Sweets.

Decision has been made

Obviously if you couldn't read between the lines throughout my previous posts I think I made my decision quite a while ago. I want to do this. I want to be B and N's surrogate. All the risks and ups and downs are going to be completely worth it. If I don't take this chance and follow my feelings I will regret it for the rest of my life. I don't want to live with that. And I actually really want to do this. I am so excited to begin the process, to tell B!

I have one last thing I want to do before I tell her. I need to talk with my parents. I have been imagining the worst so hopefully it can only be what I think or better. Wish me Luck.

Hubbs thoughts

Hubbs is a good man. He always wants to make me happy. For the most part he lets me get away with a lot of stuff (minor) because he loves me. I know I can be difficult, stubborn and I want my way. I knew with this situation it would be tricky. Not tricky like I need to trick him but tricky cause I feel so strongly but I am not about to make a decision like this without Hubbs behind me 100%. I can't do it without his love and support. If he were to say no, I would have to also.

Hubbs makes me laugh because he is the type of person to just say it how it is, he doesn't sugar coat things. Lots of times he just says what everyone else is thinking but wont say. Many times its just to me because he doesn't want to offend others but every once in a while he just says it.

For example some of his concerns over me being B and N's surro are "that will be weird to have sex knowing that isn't our child in there" and "I don't know if I will be compassionate enough towards you through the pregnancy because its not ours and you would be doing it to yourself". I see his points and am so glad he is the type of person to say these things instead of just think them.

I let him know I understand this and of course I will talk to him about the pregnancy and of course I will tell him the first time the baby moves and how much it weighs and what fruit size it is now. But he wont be the first person I turn to. B will be the first person I would text. B will be the one I would hope could be there at each appointment with me.

After numerous discussions about lots of ups and downs Hubbs has given me the go ahead to make MY decision on the matter.  I love him so much and I am so grateful that he trusts me and loves me enough to do something like this because I FEEL like I should.

What an amazing Husband.